Back in the good old days, we Americans used to wash and dry our hands however we saw fit. It was a dangerous time. Those of us who survived can one day tell our grandchildren all about it. Under the guise of liberty a few right wing zealots threatened the safety of us all. Not to worry though, we are safe now, and we owe it all to our comrades in the government.
I had a nice dinner at a barbecue restaurant where I found this sign posted in the bathroom. I was so relieved to finally learn how to properly wash my hands. That whole thing about using soap and warm water was just pure genius. It shows what can be accomplished when we all come together.
For years I have left the men’s room with my hands dripping wet because I was not drying them with “an approved hand-drying device”. I went to college and graduate school but could never have figured this out all by myself. Who has the time to study such a vast topic? How was I supposed to know to dry my hands using a sanitary towel? All this time I was using dirty wet paper towels that I found on the floor. No wonder my hands weren’t getting dried properly. I needed my fellow comrades to instruct me, and at last they have.
Now I can wash my hands knowing they will be washed properly, and I can leave the bathroom holding my head high knowing my hands were dried by an approved device. Words cannot express my gratitude. How comforting it is to know it was not just any old grimy device that dried my hands. No, my comrades cared enough to study this complex issue and break it down into simple language that even I could understand. After months of case studies and extensive testing of all the different drying devices they finally shared their wisdom with us lowly citizens.
Remember how scary it was back in those days when we would see hand-written signs posted in the bathroom that just said, “Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning to Work.” How could anyone know how to do all of that without any instructions? Countless employees were left on their own to figure out these things as best they could. Those greedy capitalist employers were in such a hurry to get them back to work that they never even told their employees to dry their hands. Did they think employees would just somehow know that? Even if they had known it would not have helped because the bathrooms were not equipped with approved hand-drying devices. It was a disaster waiting to happen.
No telling how many employees quietly returned to work confused and embarrassed, wanting to know how to do it but too afraid to ask for help. We’ve all been there. It was awful, but it is over now. Thank you government! We who are about to dry salute you!
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