When I lost so many people who I thought loved me, it forced me to go to a place I’d never gone before. I’m not sure how to judge how well I did. My life turned dark and I got so down I wanted to die. I wasn’t able to “pray my way out” or decree what I thought should happen or tell God what to do. I didn’t feel all close to God in the secret place. I felt forsaken and forgotten – except by those who were lying about me.
I’d long prided myself in not only being a survivor but an overcomer. But now, I wasn’t even sure I’d survive. My days were long and dark and my nights were worse. I didn’t even know how to process what I thought would never happen to me.
I spent a couple of years questioning everything I believed and what I had clung to as being the truth. I had to have many face to face meetings with what I had desired for my life. It seemed to be laying in ashes around my feet. Honestly there were times I hated – I hated others and I hated myself. I was honest with God about it. It scared me but it did not scare Him.
There’s a lot I had embraced as truth that at this point in my life sounds prideful, self centered and worldly. I can’t listen to certain people anymore and have found out more than I ever wanted to know. It’s not from bitterness that I speak but from wanting others to know it’s okay when they go through the valley of the shadow of death. Even when it feels like it, God never forsakes us. Even when everything and most everybody falls away from you, you’re never alone.
I’m not chasing some upgrade or promotion in order to acquire earthly gain. I’m living simply and peacefully, having lost care about what others think about me. God can direct my life anyway He chooses, I don’t have to figure it out or try to build some big thing in order to keep Him happy. He’s God and that’s enough.
Author: Tina K Baker
Tina K Baker shares many heartfelt lessons she has learned from her own walk with God to encourage others. She is from Cleveland TN.