Toilet paper is at the top of the list of essential survival items for many Americans, including me. If God can command the ravens to provide for Elijah, surely He can do the same for us today. 4 And it will be that you shall drink from the brook, and I have commanded the ravens to feed you there.” 5 So he went and did according to the word of the Lord, for he went and stayed … [Read more...] about If God can provide for Elijah, surely He can provide for us too.
I was just notified by the IRS that I am being audited for my 2013 tax return. This puzzles me because they are questioning how many dependents I claimed. I guess it was because of my response to the question: "List all dependents" So I listed all of my dependents as follows: 12 million illegal immigrants 3 million crack heads 42 million unemployed people on food … [Read more...] about Audited by the IRS
As I was walking home this week worrying about all the crap going on in Washington, Ottawa, London, Moscow, Ukraine etc. and at how my life was falling apart, I saw a yard sign that said: NEED HELP? CALL JESUS 1-800-005-3787 Out of curiosity and desperation, I did. A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower. … [Read more...] about Need Help?
A new football coach was hired at the state university. A few weeks after he started one of the players who graduated the previous year came in and introduced himself. He told the coach, "I know you don't know me, but I played football here and now I am looking for a job. I was hoping you might be able to help me find a job interview." The coach said, "I have only been here … [Read more...] about The Job Interview
The following conversations are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?' ATTORNEY: … [Read more...] about Disorder in the Courts
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion: Routine... (1) The woman buys the food. (2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert. (3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill - … [Read more...] about Man Volunteers To Do Barbeque
Men are just happier than women. What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your … [Read more...] about Why Men Are Happier Than Women
Curtis & Leroy saw an ad in the The Oxford Eagle Newspaper in OXFORD, MS and bought a mule for $100. The farmer agreed to deliver the mule the next day. The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have some bad news, the mule died last night." Curtis & Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I … [Read more...] about Curtis & Leroy’s Raffle
Here are some of the funniest photos I have found. … [Read more...] about My Favorite Funny Photos
Best friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a practice together to share office space and personnel. Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist; they put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors". The town council was livid and insisted … [Read more...] about The Psychiatrist & The Proctologist
A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue lights flashing and siren … [Read more...] about Florida State Trooper